..Ben, Ben, Cal, Mel..

fruits basket

hey everyone... do u guys check e blog... but nvm even if u'll don't it's ok cos the posts are as much for myself as they are for u guys. anyway i'm just reflecting on an anime i got caught up with recently... fruits basket. it's a non-violent (ok maybe just a little bit) teenage high school kind of anime with only 26 episodes. but yea i got really interested in it for some dark reasons which i don't feel like revealing :( sound so ominous.

i've only watched like 6 episodes out of the 26 but one of the themes hit me rather strongly... maybe i'm just finding meaning where there's no meaning in the anime at all -.- but ok lets not talk abt the anime and talk abt the theme. the theme of acceptance and rejection (rice ball in fruits basket get e idea? no? nvm...) and hmm so many things in what we do has gotta do with acceptance and rejection. everything from wanting to look good, look cool, do well in sports, academics, arts and we're just revolving around what other ppl think. sounds so shallow but haiz so inescapable. it'd just be so wonderful if we can totally heck care about what other ppl think.

i used to think that being poser was just gross and so i tried to stay as much from it as possible... but then i realized after a while that not wanting to look poser is exactly the same as wanting to look poser (ok that didn't really make sense). cos whether u pose or not, u're just wanting ppl to see you the way you wanna be seen, whether its cool or whether it's poser or watever i'm getting incoherent i must maintain my rationality and cannot digress into deluspeak (as ben calls it).

acceptance and rejection. think wanting to be accepted is rather inevitable... isit? i wonder what it'd be like to totally be able not to care about what others think. then again maybe that line of thought is just selfishness put in another form. haiz so confused. and such an amazing thing being accepted is... then when u get accepted into a community u can feel that u don't even need any other form of acceptance cos u found ur place in that community already. think that's the deep kind of acceptance that ppl kinda yearn for and get in strong friendships and relationships and all. and there's the surface-level acceptance to follow the trend and look cool and just be accepted on first impression by everyone even tho they might not know u at all.

lolz just penning down some thoughts and letting off some steam... no motive to this post intended :( why do i even have to convince ppl that there's no ulterior motive. maybe i have an unconscious ulterior motive that makes me conscious that i don't wanna sound like i have an ulterior motive. so i gotta put down a statement to convince ppl that i don't have an ulterior motive. wat nonsense am i talking abt.

MeL stepped on your garbage at 11:41 PM