..Ben, Ben, Cal, Mel..

ultra monday blues

omg today is just a culmination of depression and moodiness. can u imagine titanic's heart of the ocean shining at the bottom of the sea, it's radiant blue captivating everyone despite the already overwhelming blue-ness of the ocean around it. that's how blue today was - total sian-ness with a climax -.- so coincidental that it happened to be monday again. lolz ok btw i realize that the post is super long winded and it basically just says i'm sian in abt 8 paragraphs so yea giving a warning...

ok firstly, my sleep was disrupted!!! early in the morning my bro and my mum woke me up and kept me awake throughout the soccer match with their shouts and all that zz. and then my brother wrenched me (yes literally pulled me) across the bed to make space for himself so he could like underneath the quilt. omg! like mega indignant and irritated.

and that was the trigger. luckily it rained and no assembly so could sleep through the whole of that. but anyhow the entire day was just sian. after 2 hrs of physics prac (which was rather uneventful i think) went for maths lecture. seems like i wasn't the only one feeling sian cos the lecturer (normally feisty and scolding ppl) was strangely lethargic...ok i'm really just making it more poetic and it really was... basically she was just super lifeless also. probably pmsing or smth.

after that we were supposed to have a pw interview with a pw teacher but she wasn't free... guess i was rather glad cos i was totally not in the mood but then again was plagued with frustrations of having to arrange the interview all over again.

after lunch went to the varese room to open the room and things went quite well... since shaun and jas decided to go also when i originally thot that i'd be there alone. did my maths tutorial and pretty much had nothing left that i could do without a comp and so was feeling rather satisfied with myself. that's when all the moodiness returned with a BANG (yea in caps).

for me somehow wasting time (especially waiting unneccessarily) just irks me off. and this time i had close to 3 hours for my irritation and frustration to build up. and so in search of something to do apart from restless naps that usually ended in grumpiness, i made a list of things to do when i got home and the things that i will miss when i went to cambridge. and hey guess wad? the list kept growing longer and longer until i got fed up with so many things i had to do and so i just got even more irritated -.-

i know loads of these are just small stuff and probably seems like i'm making a mountain out of a molehill and all but all these things just get to me harder than other ppl and haiz. balance balance balance. wat a thin line.

and of course the climax of the day that made solidified the gloom of the day into an angsty turmoil that had to be captured (which is why i'm blogging btw). and the beginning of the end of the day started of with h3 physics. of which i got so confused and didnt' understand (which normally won't really bother me cos everyone knows its normal not to understand h3 physics) but this time the confusion just added to my already pent up frustrations.

and so i walked out with ackerley out of the lecture and it just felt great to walk and talk so casually without restraint after such a long day... and we settled in the canteen for a light snack even tho had dinner at home cos i was super hungry (now that i think abt it it probably just added to my mood also... zz when i'm pissed anything can add on to it). then we met up with some other friends and geppers.

after some discussion, i realized that one of them (for anonymity's sake) got like 80+ percent for nearly all his cts and wow ok the inferiority complex just hit me real hard. cos i always used him as a gauge of myself also and i dono if it just showed how much i had deterioriated. not only that but he had changed so much (fior the better). he's like perfection in every aspect... character, fitness, academics and just superior in so many other ways and it's cos he's a good friend that's why the situation hit rather badly and all and haiz. i know it's silly to compare and wat everyone's advice will be in handling all this frustration (even tho now it's almost all gone which is why i'm having a rather hard time recapturing my feelings earlier today) but somehow it's really so inevitable and sometimes just talking about it sincerely, having someone to talk to was all i really wanted. and i know i have ppl to talk to (all u guys and siblings and all) if i but ask just that at that moment... oh well it was just really depressing

:) must be dota withdrawal whole weekend never play. so must play dota again.

MeL stepped on your garbage at 8:30 PM